Sun Oct 27 2024
Happy birthday Elena. You are incredible and lovely. You made me smile today when I spoke to you on the phone. It’s amazing to see you age. I can only imagine the world you live in. I picture everything as bright and too quick. But that’s how I see it. Maybe you feel like you are moving in slow-motion. I just hope you always see awe in the world and that you steel yourself against it at the same time. I hate that you aren’t here at home; where it is safe.
Moses threw a party at Chez Kenzo on Friday night after papa hula. Pili and I rode together in a taxi. I love seeing that man. Even when it seems like he’s floundering and things are hard, I still want very much to be like him. I feel like someone talks to me through him, even if we don’t say much. Regardless, best party-date ever that guy.
Isi was at the party and so was Kaleo, Craig, Karina, Aaron, Kahaʻi, Akoni, Tomas, Chris, Chad, Meli, Pono, and of course Moses. None of us arrived on time, or at the same time. The table grew like a game of dominoes, adding to the ends until we had to curve them into a U-shape. I sat in the middle of the U-shape of course. I wanted to be nearer to the fresh plates arriving.
After the dinner we attempt to bar-hop, but it is LGBTQIA+ Pride weekend. All the fag bars are full so we elbow our way into the usual haunt: “Inbetween’s.” Isi scowls at everyone, Pili draws a crowd, Moses grins wide, and I sulk next to them. I think I am being mysterious but I look more menacing than anything. We walk the streets of Waikīkī looking for trouble. We don’t find any and Pili drives us home. Nothing works out except the dinner with hālau.
Isi stays over all weekend and he gets wasted while I smoke weed. We talk a lot about family, philosophy and culture. We’re both deeply damaged and I think it is what brings us together. I knew when I saw him we would be brothers. I really mean it and so does he. We spend a lot of time together, but really it is so rare to meet other Pasifika boys like me [I mean we’re men lol]. Especially ones that don’t want to fuck me. I always say I have been praying to God to send me a brother since I was a boy.
Jeez, he sent so many.
